27/4/2009
8:10pm...
woohoo...our band hav wont da champion le...
hehex so surprise abt that...we did it...
now our next target is 13Th june...our concert...
maybe laz time i hav did sumthing wrong...
i should support wif them...but i din...
feel lik a bit regret le...so lik da band le...
proud to be part of chung hwa confucian military band...
when we hear da news that we r the champion...
every one has gone crazy...hahahaha
but when she come back...my mood hav down again...
haiz whole day so down...so miss her...
haiz...wat can i do???haiz...but nvm la...it's reli a gratz job to those high pose
thanks~n finally we did it

26/4/2009
4.30pm...
haiz...i'm rejected again...
haiz...so hate da alone d feel...juz lik lost in a desert...no hope...undesirable...

00:00midnight
i hav went to pantai keracut...for midnight trecking...
n overnight at seaside...so that i cn nt to think abt that...cn free my heart...
but too bad...da security block us from going up to the mountain...
so we hav to change da plan...y keep wan me suffer le???
i try to make myself tired...y cnt le???
the god playing me???
i surrender le...i so suffer le...
da feeling reli hard...reli pain...
wat should i do???
i noe i muz let go le...
but i cn ma???i cnt...i wait for her for 8months d...
suffer so much oni get her...but y its wan happen to me???
i dnwn d...i cnt le...

22/4/2009
9.30pm
haiz...y this world is lik tat d???
when they nid help they oni find me...
no nid help d wat is me to them???
still a fren arh???
i think i too "tian chen"d maybe i should not put them at first...
when i not happy i would lik to share wif them...but wat did they did to me???
they nt happy tiok can talk wif me badly...wat how i treat them...how i treat my friends...
i always care about them...care about their feeling...but did they care about my feels???
who care???no ones......rite???
wat is best friend???when nid help oni got best friend???
i duno...to me every friend to me oso my best friend...also important to me...
but i dunoe wat means best friend to them...even friends...
i most hate those person who always lik tat...i hate person who treat me lik tat...
Miss N lik tat...now Miss Y also lik tat....
maybe i too frenly or treat them too nice d...
she said:she wont did to me lik wat Miss N did d...
but now she is doing this...fine...best friend...juz a name ba i think...
they got really put me at first meh???nop...i think...but i did...
i know when they down...i sms wif them... giv them support...
but when i down...wat they did to me...
one keep think of Mr.A...another...emo...no idea...haiz...
wat should i do now le???
BEST FRIEND tis word should keep in my dictionary???or juz forget about it???
who can tell me???who can giv me the answer???
she said she veli tired...she dunwan luan wif me...
but i oso sick arh...i get fever too le...but who knows???
no ones......wat should i do le???

18/4/2009
10.20pm
haiz this few days she keep appear in my mind...
how to forget a ppl???
forget her got so hard ma???
haiz today so unhappy le...so down...
coz i now oni encounter something...
that stuff...haiz...make me get down...down...
i must forget her...i can do it d...
the ppl around me also ask me to forget her d...
still rmb that laz time...we cry together...laugh together...
when she down i talk phone wif her for whole nite...
untill fall as sleep...but now...everything hav change...
i gonna change too...

16/4/2009
haiz...i so miss her le...so suffer now...
thinking of sms her but scare that she feel me "fan"
haiz...wat should i do???
who can tell me wat should i do???
haiz haiz...should i sms her ma??
haiz...so fan le now...

15/4/2009
2.00pm...she sms me asking me y i dun wan perform le...
izit she so "guan xin"me???
i oso dunnoe le...so suffer le...
wat should i do now???
i feel so luan le...
they keep asking me y dunwan perform...
haiz...i oso dunno le...
i juz hope that i nt at this world...
8.00pm...haiz this few days no on9 le...
dunno y this few days keep think of her le...
laz time that feels come back d...
y so hard to forget her le???
insomnia...yesterday 2am oni can sleep le...
although i very tired d...but cant sleep le...
my heart feel so "luan"so many thing keep appear...
haiz...she reli so important to me???
i oso dunnoe le...

12/4/2009
3pm...hhmm i think nw my fren having operation d ba...
which him gud luck la...haha
juz now see tiok her again le...when she is infront of me...
i tiok like ...err...treat lik din see tiok her...bt when she go back d...
my heart veli luan le...dunno y...
juz nw sms her le...bt i still duno she still nid me this fren or nt...
haiz haiz...today so down le...dunno y...haiz haiz

11/4/2009
6.15pm...hhmm...juz came back from visting my frens...
whos mate an accident yesterday...
dunnoe y today i keep think of her le...
think that we together pass eh time...
quite happy d...bt nw its all different d...
haiz...thinking that...my 1st kiss...
haiz haiz haiz...its all over...
bt i dun lik b4 so hurt le...
compared to laz time...i would gonna gone crazy...
but now...hhmm...better liau...hehex...
wish da fren whos in da hospital eh get well soon la...
hhmm...today eh mood...normal normal lik that lo...
dunnoe how to say...

10/4/2009
7.30pm...hhmm...today eh mood
still not bad la...haha
today i hav 2 fren birthday le...
happy birthday to them ba...hahaha
juz nw 8am take da gradute used d photo le...
feel so happy...no y...i think gonna graduate le so happy ba...
having a long hair soon le...hehex
hmm...today nthing special happen la...
bt i saw her msn d pm there written "suan suan de ku ku de"
hhmm...i hav no idea about wat's the prpose she write this la..
maybe becoz of me this fren?or another guy whos in her heart???
no idea...bt its nt important to me le...hahaha...
bt i a bit regret that absent da band practice le...
haiz haiz...
bt...still not bad la... haha

flash back

still rmb that day she ask for break...
i cnt sleep for whole nite...tat day...
i juz sit there for whole nite wif blank minded...
sumtime i had been too tired n fall sleep...
bt when i sleep...my mind keep thinking of her...
dream that she said sorry to me...n wake up...
it's all over...a dream...a real dream...

9/4/2009
6 pm...duno y today so down...
may be becoz of her ba...
during reses time...we meet each other...
n i juz walk away...bt after that...
i feel myself so bad...
i noe i'm a soft-hearted person...
at da moment...mani thing keep appear on my mind...
what should i do now??other than juz waiting...
bt we still can be friend???
she adi dun nid me this friend le i think...
they said me a bit chong dong le...
but that time i oso dunno wat should i do le...



other than those not happy d thing...
sure got something is happy geh...
a best fren finally think open le...^ ^
let go d...hhmm...a good news oso la...haha
so gam dong nia...hahahaha
but...but
wat about myself???
i think open d...bt i still gt feel on her???i oso nt sure...
bt i veli sure that da feel is not so strong le...
so confuse...confuse...but i think i can do it oso d...
i can "fan xia" d...hahaha

7/4/09---
6pm...i adi cant tahan her this kind of attitude d
whats wrong betwen me and her???
why she will suddenly like changed...the way she treat me...
i treat her as my close friend but she treat me what???a friend???
she always treat her friends like that d??nop...i think just me...so,i think she dont treat me as friend
so,i sms her n asking her what happen to her...
why she suddenly treat me so bad...
then i ask her again"do u know this freinship is going worst d?"
but she replied"i duno lo"from her "yu qi"i can know that
she don't need me...this friend adi...
fine...since she is this kind of person...i still remember that
last time when she is down i always support her...
besides her...helping her...but today...
she treat me in such a bad way...but still she rmb that guy whos always beside her??
"yuan lai"this world is like that d...sometimes it can be very cruel...


2weeks after 23/2/09-10.52---the "ok"moment...
she ask for "break"why???i duno...
that day,my sis in hospital le...becoz of food poisonous...
n my mum "guai"me...at the same time she juz want "li kai" me...
when i'm down she tell me this somemore...
how can i accept???n i was begging her...plz dun go...plz
but she juz replied me CNT...izit this world so cruel???n it's nt finish yet...
n the day 2 i have to sit for exam...during the exam...
i totally cant focus at all...
n i get 0 for my add math,7 sejarah,14 BM,17 chemi,23 fizik,28 bio30 bc,50 math,60 BI
huh...i nvr got such a bad result before...
i'm hited...i hav lose all...n oni her bt oso my family...my result...
a few day more...bad thing happened again...
this time...my dad in hospital...
my parents argue...n my mum inside da room for half a day...
what else can i do???haiz...
izit this world so cruel???
n i swear to myself...i wnt lose the 1st thing i can do
i win myself...i swear to myself...i muz let go le...
so...we both be a closed frenz...